I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
