I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
