yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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