Kareoke will never be a sober sport
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
