i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
