I must be too annoying 4 u.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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