Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
