i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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