When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
