and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
