I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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