my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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