the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Is it because I queefed?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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