and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
