What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
