i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
