It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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