I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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