Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
