thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
