All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
