My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
