I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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