whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
