I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
