this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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