y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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