its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
