apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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