These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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