youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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