I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
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