my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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