remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
