My room smells like vodka and shame
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
