Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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