bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
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