The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
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