We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
