I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
