I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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