I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
