We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
