This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
