is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
