She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Randomize
