I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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