Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
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