my mouth tastes like poor choices
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
