I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
