You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
